Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
