Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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