I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
