Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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