So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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