what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
