it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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