first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
