Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And then he peed in my hair
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