Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
