How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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