plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
