I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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