my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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