Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
