After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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