I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
