come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
