Apparently you make a good broom.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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