dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
