I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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