It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
