i permit you to call me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
