New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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