Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
