so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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