it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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