uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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