when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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