You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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