in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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