so explain again why im purple
no
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
