dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
