Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
