God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
