My room smells like vodka and shame
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
