i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
