So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
