We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
