Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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