Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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