So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
