your thong is hanging out like whoa
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
