I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
