This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
