i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
