I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
