piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
