Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
