Porn is love you can see.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
