I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
