My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
