cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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