Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am naked and annoyed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
