just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize