I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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