Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
